FOO-King The Dominant Paradigm: Depression, Main Library Weirdos, Pity-Party

Today's title is rather fun. It's all true. I'm feeling way down, and pissed. The anger is what keeps me going. Sometimes humor. (Anger) This is the truest of emotions. It is what people in our society shy away from. Let's lock it all away and pretend it's not there. Cincinnati let it all hang out. Before 9-11, they roped off the ghetto and let the people go mad. Riots. People were coming in from all over the city to join in the wildness. The cops and the local government just sat back and watched as the madness unfolded. You can still see the remnants today. The city continues to shrink in population, as the leaders never really solved anything. I'm not saying any of this is easy. In fact, I'm surprised riots don't happen on a continuous basis.

So, again I want to be successful. But right now I feel like a rat running through a maze in search of the cheese. I can smell it but it's miles away. I'm not alone in this, I know. I feel alone though. The dominant paradigm; outgoing, clean-cut, sporty. Me, none of the above. By the looks of it, either are those that waited for the downtown branch of the public library to open. What a strange bunch. They all look deppressed, with an exception being the young lady making slashing motions with her arms, looking directly at me and shouting a mixture of gibberish and obscenities.

Well I must be off, the meter is running and I caught a whiff of the cheese.

Networking Sites: I Spit In Your General Direction (Rehashing Old Blogs)

I'm on Friendster and MySpace; a new found waste of time. I posted blogs on both sites and found it to be akin to mental masturbation. I eventually got fed up and posted pictures of people passed out from excessive drinking. I think I lack patience with these sort of things. I never really got into chatting either. I have better luck talking to people outside the realm of smilies and LOLs. It would be an interesting art project to pursue how our relationships have changed due to online networking sites like the aforementioned. I've noticed that some people act entirely different when they don't actually see the person.

Here's an old blog from my friendster account. This goes out to all the supposed 19 year old girls who crammed my message box with promises of pictures of me and my hot friends...

Art Snob's Guide to Blockbuster Video
Being part of a class-action lawsuit against Blockbuster was kinda rewarding. I got two free non-new release rentals! Wow-ee, it's time to go hog wild. Wait-a-minnit, this is going to be difficult. I never find anything there, due to my extreme whiteness and art-snobbery. I made a handy little checklist to help me weed out the bad stuff and help me slay the dragon faster. If you are like me and find yourself in a similar position, this may help you...


First let's cross off certain categories, this will save time walking around the store cutting down on nerve damage from that awful Dave Mathews blaring on the TVs. No Family Section, No General Interest (See there's only one copy of CRUMB, it's probably out, most of the docs are about 2 Pac or Wrestling), No Foreign (too lazy to read subtitles, besides I've seen all the Ingmar Bergman movies I can take).

OK, this leaves us with Comedy, Horror, Drama and Action

For action, stay away from these mainstays...(please forgive my spelling, I don't have time to check everyone on IMDB)

Silvester Stallone, Richard Greco, John Travolta (yes, he's not cool, he's notorious for picking bad projects), football stars turned actors, Steven Segal, cover girls holding guns showing their backside (aka booty), rappers, Kid Rock or the Rock, movies about cars, racing and/or bikes, Tom Cruise (one movie where he's palpable, Minority Report, I have yet to see Last Samurai, so if I'm at a friend's and all he's got is porn and that movie, I'll take my chances with the Last Samurai), Chuck Norris, Rutger Hauer, and Kurt Russel.

Art Snob OKs- Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, John Wayne, Chow Young Fat, Charlton Heston.

For Comedy, keep moving when you see...

Paulie Shore, rappers Dre and Snoop Dogg, most of the comedies from the 80's (check for old faded covers), movies that have anybody from the cast of "Friends", remakes from old TV show comedies, Woody Allen films after 1980.

Art Snob OKs - Steve Martin

Horror, keep clear of movies with 2,3, or 4 after the title (IE. Leprechaun 4, Halloween 3), and slasher flicks.

Art Snob OKs - I'm tempted to say nothing, the Vincent Price titles are somewhat entertaining. MGM puts out a series of "B" films that Blockbuster carries. Those are fun when you're loaded.

Drama is a crap shoot. The color of the box is very telling. The whiter the cover is, the more you can count on Emma Thompson popping up in it. Stay with chroma, especially reds.

Art Snob OKs - Directors Todd Solondz and Martin Scorcesse.

After I used my trusty Art Snob formula, I left the store with a film called "Man of the Century", it starred no one I know (which can be a good thing) and the critics like Ebert gave it the thumbs up (have you noticed the guy hardly pans a film). I watched 15 minutes and turned it off. It reminded me of a Saturday Night Live skit. A one-liner dragged out for way too long. Oh well, just forget everything I said.

PMRC (Parental Music Resource Center): Do-Gooders Run Amok!

Here's Jello Biafra having it out with Tipper Gore from The PMRC on Oprah.

The Teen Scene: The Teen Choice Awards

Amazing that Britney Spears still has a career in showbiz. I've always thought that talentless celebrities have little to no staying power. I was wrong with Spears. She is continuously trotted out to "entertain" all the teenies, and inspire the youth of the world. Another mind-numbing celeb. is Jessica Simpson. According to Yahoo, those two words are the ones that people of the world are overwhelmingly typing into their popular search engine. Is she really all that interesting? I have talked to many teens, probably not enough for a good sampling of the population; nevertheless, I have yet to meet any that listen to this music, let alone purchase it. I know I sound like a old windbag. But, I just can't believe that the young people are snowed by such drivel; so devoid of any substance. I like some of the younger acts; The Strokes come to mind. Some of the guys in the band look younger than Spears and were probably born long after Iggy Pop made Lust for Life. All I know is that, I have a new found respect for rappers. Not everyone can do it. Just ask Kevin Fedderline. Not enough black people on the stage; lights, props, and noise can give him cred. It's like Florence Henderson or David Hasselhoff trying to do a Shakespearian tragedy. Although, I'd pay to see that.

Holding Pattern: The Band, Back Row Show, Petra Haden

In the continuous attempt to get the word out, I registered with google and then did a search to find my "Holding Pattern" blog. No luck, although I did find an awesome band. Here is the original art from Holding Pattern's 1981 release.

My brother Dave has been an aspiring filmmaker for most of his adult life. About a year ago, he screened his first feature film at Royal Oak's Main Theatre. The film, Plastic Tacos, centered around three wanna-be professional disc golfers. It was a hit and since then he has teamed up with two of the actors to produce comedies. One of their shorts made it into the finals of a promotional campaign for It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, an FX sitcom. The 'dudes' put together a website to promote their work; called The Back Row Show.

The Back Row Show: Dave Eyman and Mike Pickard in Housewarming

I'm an old fart, so I like to keep abreast of what the kids are into these days. In doing so,I subscribed to the Onion AV Club. Also, because I enjoyed the book The Tenacity of the Cockroach, in which they interviewed personalities that have a cult following. Some of whom, you never hear from. Anyway, they featured jazz singer Petra Haden. I would have glossed right over it had it been a set of worn-out standards made popular of late by the likes of Rod Stewart and Barry Manalow. But no, to my surprise it was the entire album of The Who's The Who Sell Out. Now this is a novel approach, especially because she does it a capella ala The Swingle Singers. C'est Magnifique!

Petra Haden Sings: The Who Sell Out

A New Painting

A portrait of painter Emil Robinson.

Mabel's Head Stuck in a Box, Kevin Smith, 30 Year Old Geezers

Yay! My header is up! I got the code from artist Gregory Jacobsen's blog. Now, I have to get rid of that bar above my header! It's a work in progress my friends.

Five minutes ago, my cat's head got stuck in a Kleenex box not once, or twice, but three times! I think she actually enjoyed running around with the lights out.

In 30 years, critic Joel Siegel of Good Morning America has never walked out of a film. There's always a first time and it happened to be at a screening of Clerks II. Of all the crap that Siegel must have watched over the years, Clerks II was the first?! Not only did he leave, but angrily storming out about 30 minutes in, shouting expletives. I'm not a huge fan of Smith's but now I need to go see this film. Check out the article on Kevin Smith's webpage. Scroll down, Smith even confronts Siegel on Shock Shlockers Opie and Anthony radio show. It's great fun listening to these people act like children. They talk about Siegel's bad puns in reviews. Here are a few...

Going bananas for 'Kong', Wheelie Good Time for 'Cars' and 'X-Men' fails to X-cite.

I've been meaning to write about my favorite book of all time. It's not really the book that changed my life but more or less the book that gave voice to my ridiculous obsession.
About thirteen years ago, Incredibly Strange Music was published. For me, it was a compendium of fringe records from the golden age of 33 1/3, a checklist. It also introduced me to wack-O artists like Hasil Adkins. The book tracks recordings from the mid 50's to the early 80's. I don't have the said publication in my greasy mitts at this time. My copy was sold to a record store, along with hundreds of Moog, Personality, and Lounge records; to help pay for my education. I love the book though. You peruse the book; read it over days, months, years. Each chapter profiles a collector or musician, talking about many things, mostly the music. This is the book that spawned the Lounge Music trend from the 90's. A time I look back on with great fondness. The ever elusive music was finally available to those of us who jumped on the thrifting bandwagon way too late. Now in 2006, after the fad, I can scoop the music back up, for next to nothing. It's nostalgia for a time when I was not even alive or hardly lucid. It reminds me of pleasant times in the 70's as a young boy playing Yatzee at my grandmother's feet, while we both listen to old bigband music and theatre organs. In my teens and early 20's, I sought out the music that made me so content. I would listen to the Music of Your Life on AM radio. I would go into a coma/meditative state with that station playing the likes of; Skokian by Ray Anthony and local Canadian hero and lounge singer Tommy Ambrose singing Get Outta' Town. Later, I a had a part-time job working at a old-folks home. An older man would come in and wheel his mother around the halls. Music came out of her lap in a the form of an old radio-shack tape player. On it, in continuous loop, the organ of Lenny Dee. It was strange sounding; like circus music. It was beautiful. The man made a tape for me and we became friends. Ravenously, I went to the library rummaging through CD compilations of Louis Prima and bandleader Artie Shaw, the old librarian chastising me at the check-out. "You are too young for this music!"

When the book came out, I hit the thrift-stores. No luck, all the fun records were gone. Left were numerous Lawrence Welks and Mantovanis. I asked a record store owner why I couldn't find these records. He said it was because the 30 year olds were getting old and were tired of loud music. They needed an outlet for their slowed-down lifestyle. 30 year old geezers, he called them.

Thank you V. Vale and ReSearch for 13 beautifully strange years.

One of my favorite records. 'Hypnotique' by Martin Denny. Featured in the book.

Afternoon Karaoke with Pizza

After a night of 0ne long-island iced-tea and four whisky sours, blowing out my vocal chords signing; Hell and Sweetleaf, in a hick bar down by the Ohio river, I am slowly recuperating. It's 3pm and I am being serenaded by Jules on our home karaoke unit with OhMickey!, Suedehead, and Maneater, I just scarfed down a pineapple, bacon and cheese pizza. I feel bloated and gross, plus the $20 I used to have is gone. This local chain pizza place makes such good artery cloggin' pizza. Greasy. By the way, make August 22nd a day for fun in the sun. Have a cook-out, play lawn bowling; whatever you need to do to forget your woes. According to some experts and Iranian Islamists, the world is ending on that day. We are having an End Times Bar-B-Q. I suggest you do the same.

Insensitive Comments Come Back to Haunt Me

I'm a fan of outsider art or art brut. I am also jealous of the attention the outsiders get. Years ago I belonged to a Co-Op gallery. The outsider shows drew more people and sold more work than the rest of us conventional slobs. Real collectors came down out of castles to brave the ghetto and buy up all the work. I said something in the meetings that erked people. One of the handicap outsiders applied for membership. I asked, insensitively, "Does he smell?" A local paper did a story on one of the artists belonging to the same community of handicaps and that stupid statement came up. You can read about it here and the apologist here.

Anyway, something about the art gets people all excited. I have a theory. It's just my opinion, but the work is novelty. Let's cut the polite bulls#it bleeding heart teeth chattering and call a spade a spade. It's a freak show. The outsider has tapped into something the rest of us can only dream of. BUT they don't go any further. They are hindered by whatever handicap ails them. Each piece is carbon copy of each other. Normal people wrestle with self-doubt, hopefully fight through. They struggle with the pressures associated with normal life. Those that succeed, I applaud. The fight is a difficult battle. Your peers, parents, lovers, society, yourself; you were beat-down but you continued on. There is no monetary value that you can place on growth. I love you 'the common artist'. You are my hero.

I wonder about the work of some outsiders. They don't use artist materials. I too want to buy into the freak show and purchase art. But will the work last? They are mostly on non-archival paper, using children's art supplies (crayola markers, etc.). Take a look at outsider Daniel Johnston's work. I want to buy some of it. The prices went up due to exposure from the good documentary The Devil and Danel Johnston. In the film, there's a scene in this gallery where his work sells off as he's hanging 'em. Collectors know he's in poor health and the value will certainly increase when he passes. It all comes down to $$$.

Alien Duck Migrates into Online Casino’s Collection!

What's the point? Why should I blog? It's a lesson in futility. I don't have a radio show. I'm not famous. Does anyone care? How do I increase traffic? Blogger.com is nice enough to supply the space, but what now? How do I get the word out? Alright enough of this, I'm sorry my dear (one) reader. I'm slowing the post down here. I think i'll scan some of my sketchbook, maybe cute drawings will increase visitors or at least get the attention of the staff at Blogger like this popular blogging artist.

I'm probably the last to find this but Goldenpalace.com is collecting some unusual items from bizarre ebay auctions. If you haven't already, you've got to see these things; some are unbelievable, others are hilarious. Check out William Shatner's kidney stone auction and more...Here!

Dragon Julie found a group of intelligent ladies into romance novels.

Smart Bitches Who Like Trashy Books Take a look at the book cover contest.

Here's a fun bathroom book. From the creators of the Hipster Handbook.

Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees,
and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic.



I'm having problems uploading images. jeesh!

Maybe I should call it a day. I've been up in the attic "pulling wire" for the electrician. So, I've had a lot of time to think and in turn a lot to say. I'm sure in the next post I'll rant and rave like a lunatic; eventually embarrassing myself. Stay tuned.

A Day In the Life of a Kind-Hearted Electrician and the Punk Scene Three Generations Later

I have to do any type of work, wherever it finds me. In this case, I helped out an electrician today. We worked in the basement of an old house in one of the older neighborhoods of Cincinnati. All of the homes are well kept in this area and this basement was clean compared to most. I still came away with scars, bruises and a black t-shirt that was once white. It is not easy work but it's not roofing either. The guy is one of the most kind-hearted gentleman that I've come across recently. You can tell a lot about someone by the way people respond to them. The world, to this guy, is his family. I, as usual, am a wall-flower and I nodded and grunted when spoken to. Thank God he was patient with me. I haven't done this kind of work in ten years. I have the soft, supple skin to prove it.

He has XM. I have Sirius. They don't have a punk/hardcore station on Sirius. They have a lot of hair-metal and hard-rock. Anyway, the electrician likes the punk station. I like punk and in my youth I think I identified with it more than, let's say The Grateful Dead. I was angry, and still am to some extent. At one time I loved the Dead Kennedys and spent money and time trying to find other bands like them. No luck. Nothing struck me with the same intensity and purpose. The lyrics: biting, cynical, funny, sarcastic. The band: fast with twinges of psychedelia and surf instros. Perfect. After 20 or so years and three generations later, I find it hard to believe that punk still has legs. It's not that good. It's become formulaic and dull. Everyone nowadays has an attitude. We saw a CBGBs poster at Target today. Harris Poll, 2003, estimates that fully 36% of those aged 25-29 have one or more tattoos. Who cares? Right? I shouldn't, but it's one of my quirks, pop music and music trends. I used to follow most of it, but now it's just too much. Everyone and their sister is in a band. Maybe there are statistics about how many Americans own record labels? I wonder if The Sex Pistols will be remembered in 200 years? I can understand why Mozart is.